And it’s what’s holding me back from the most important one
I’ve set pretty arbitrary goals so far. Get noticed by my favourite streamer. Learn how to play rainbow six. Get alot of views on a video. Get virtual updoots on reddit.
Specifically honing in on the last one. I’ve achieved top 15 of all time on one reddit particularly. It’s one of the biggest ones too. And i did it with a post i hurridly thought up of while crossing the road (it sounds more irresponsible than it actually was).
These are like, pretty meaningless achievements right? That’s why i was able to just… do them. Just keep at it, and my luck I think was much higher than most. Or maybe it’s just that the way i do things helped me accomplish my goals. I can’t tell you the reason. But i will say that I spend significantly less time than most to achieve results that often far exceed my own expectations. I was relentlessly stubborn to achieve them though. i didn’t think at all if I would get it, just kept going. chips here and there at such a large quantity. I sent so many comments and messages, observed their reply patterns to optimize my rate of getting noticed (yes it’s sad). I churned out so much garbage before I got bearable at editing and knew what was probably good content. I churned even more garbage, and worse too, to finally land some absolute gems I still don’t know how I came up with, and the results showed with my post being immortalized in the top 15 of all time on a reddit with well over a million subscribers.
and what bugs me is that what is meaningful, truly important to me, i’m absolutely terrified of. because the result matters so much more to me, the work to get there much more arduous. i haven’t failed yet because I didn’t consider not getting results failing, just attempts at potential success. But when success is the only result i can stomach, the work to put in that much more committal, i’m afraid. at this rate, i’ll be defined in history by a blurb I wrote one random day over what I actually crave, and that’s scary.
I just wish I could do what’s important to me free from results. because honestly, when I don’t care about the result, I get it.
I wish I wrote shitty fanfics when I was young
I wish I drew ugly ass stickmen
I wish I was bad at the piano
I wish I kept tripping during taekwondo
I wish I wasn’t afraid of failing so I kept at it all.
The difference is now i’m a shitty adult at piano. i missed that boat.
There’s one right here though 🛶
