Minions: The Rise of Gru is for the generation that thinks they have adhd

Yeah, the movie worked. I laughed, and it was a good time! But you’ve heard it before, and I’ll say it again. I started to forget the moment I left the theatre.

Its pace is blistering, zipping you from one location to another, with wacky scenarios and bizarre fun turns in the plot.

Yet they never let up. Never time to sink in the gravity of the situation, or enough for choices to matter. It’s so unrelentingly fast, and I know making this connection will undoubtedly net me wry side-eyes, but it’s a sombre reminder of the impact of ultra-fast media consumption. If a TikTok doesn’t grab you in 5 frames, you’re on to the next. It encourages gluttonous consumption and regurgitating trend chasers.

The Rise of Gru was afraid to lose your attention. I can’t imagine how it’s like for Morbius to try to capitalize on the ethereal whims of internet meme status only to be given a Morbillion out of 100 ratings, and seeing kids in suits storming theatres, droves of phones filing in for Minions of all things. It’s honestly disheartening as a creative. You HAVE to be on social media. And you HAVE to be on the good side of it. How do you do that? Heck if I know. You can get meme status and fail awfully still.

You don’t have ADHD; by extension, you might not have depression. Social media is just this cesspool of circle-jerk where people “relate” to each other to fit in and they’re conditioned with the pinpoint honing of these apps to graze your attention just the way they like it.

You have been mindtricked into thinking you have ADHD you fool, you’re acting like it. And god damn TikTok is making really good actors.

Wait wasn’t this about the rise of gru? Oh yeah the movie’s kinda mid. It’s downright hilarious at times, and a good time. But at breakneck speed, cast from setpiece after setpiece, this movie would have been a stretch at 2 hours.

It’s 1h27min.



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If I was 20% cooler I’d be published already